What a day, what a day. May I first say that our lawn is horrible, know that we know that. I just am not up for gigantor water bills in order to keep up. Even so, we still mow it. Today was mow the grass day. Normally this is one of my favorite days of the week. I love being outside, I don't mind pushing the mower because in my brain, this is some sort of super duper exercise program that Billy Blanks et al haven't come up with yet.
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Today though, was different. And I'll tell you why.
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FRICKIN CICADAS.
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It all started as it normally does with the adding of the liquid gold to the mower and the starting up which I am self conscious about anyways because who can really know how they look pulling the starter pulley thing over and over while the machine and my neighbors laugh.
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Usually I mow around the edges of the yard twice then work in row like fashion. We have two trees in our yard that in the springtime are the prettiest trees ever, today they were a playground for cockroachian torturers. As I ducked under the first tree in a matter of seconds, there was a swarm or those daggone cicadas and they were in the shape of an arrow coming right after me. I had no choice but to swat and flail my arms to rid them from sucking my blood.

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Our mower is one of those self propelled ones. Today, it was self propelling its way into our neighbors deck because I needed both arms for self defense. If that mower wasn't so heavy I would have swung it around to aerochop those things. Now our neighbors have one strip from our side yard to their deck until they mow again.

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The taunting continued and I could only swat and shoo them away nicely for so long. At some point I think I even yelled at them loudly enough for the guy putting new siding on the house next door to become convinced he shouldn't turn his back on me or I'd aerochop him too. As our little red toro hummed along, I swear to you I think they thought it was their mother ship coming to get them. They just plopped right on there for a little ride.

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As I said before, I normally go in a linear pattern, today not so much. Their horribleness also like to lay in the grass. I just happened to rid the world of quite a few of those &*%^$ as I could by running them over not on purpose but because I thought today would be good for no pattern at all, just circles and lines and right angles whenever I felt like it. PETA Schmeta.

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Here's the other thing. At one point a little stick got in my sock so I stopped for a sec to get it out (the stick by the way made my ankle bleed). I put my shoe back on only to find that one of the crappin things flew in my shoe and was in there when only my foot was supposed to be.

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And I don't want to talk about when one flew in the car when Parker and I were trying to go the the store. Or when I was reputting my hair up and one got stuck inside my ponytail. These little devil pets are not my friends. Or the one that flew in my shortpants.

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So someone better give me some flippin answers. How long are these little nightmares staying? Why are they at my house and not at my aunts 2.7 miles north or my friends 1.1 miles west? Why are they so dang loud? What is their purpose? Why did I see people collecting bagfuls of them?

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Screw the neighbors, I'm covering my yard with pebbles and cacti.

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