Thursday, November 30, 2006
I hear there is a big game tonight. I also hear there are a few different rules in place for tonight. There is a new one beer per person per transaction rule, beer sales will stop at the end of the third quarter and the stadium is opening a 1/2 hour earlier than normal. And the new policies are in place until further notice during all prime time games. I wonder who is imposing the new rules, the NFL, the stadium, the Bengals, the prime time TV people?
What are these new policies supposed to do? Is whoever implementing the new rules to control fan behavior while watching the games? Its not like NFL fans are watching a group of stand up guys playing backyard ball with Fuller. I would think that if there is an effort to try to control drug and alcohol consumption and behavior with regard to football, maybe they should start with the guys that play.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
" 'Is homelessness the result of drug abuse and misguided entitlement programs as conservatives claim or did it occur, as liberals agreed because of cuts in social service programs and failure to create economic opportunity for the poor?' asked professor Fuchs.
'Sometimes I think it is neither. I think maybe people get the lives they want.' I answered.
'Are you saying that homeless people want to live on the street? They don't want warm beds and roofs over their heads?'
I said, 'Not exactly. They do. But if some of them were willing to work hard and make compromises, they might not have ideal lives but they could make ends meet.' "
Those words are from a book I finished last week and have been processing ever since then. In addition to reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls, I was listening to the radio yesterday and the host was talking about providing meals for people during the holidays. His question was do we incentivize bad behavior with charity? And I can't help but think that that may be true. I wonder how/if government programs and churches and soup kitchens and shelters keep a balance between caring for people and encouraging personal responsibility. This all should be prefaced with there are clearly health, mental and physical things that can throw any one of us into a situation we couldn't see coming nor would we have any idea how to respond. My thoughts are about those who are able bodied and able minded yet are still recipients. I should also say I am really just thinking though this and don't really know how I feel.
We never know someone else's whole story or even the day they've had, for me to assume I can understand and fix this is silly, I also know I may sound insensitive and un PC. I do know I can have my thoughts and that comes from my 33 year old tome and while it isn't nearly the story of some, I do have some framework to develop my opinions. Having read The Glass Castle, that professor couldn't have been more wrong than to question the author and her thoughts on homelessness.
I know I feel like we live in a time where there is such a huge wave of entitlement. We think we should have what our neighbors have for no other reason except we want it and not because we have worked hard and saved for it. It seems like there is a shift away from getting into the mailroom and working hard to move up.
I guess I am just wondering why are people ok with the status quo? Why would everyone not want to have more from their life? And why are the people that have some so unsatisfied until they have more? I guess those two questions seem like they don't go together but in my head they do.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I realize the Ballet Flats are a fashion hit and a must have for the coming season but I just don't get it. Perhaps it is because I am already short and don't need help feeling shorter. Many of you may be thinking, she isn't that short, but see I have fooled you, I wear tall shoes more than I don't.
These shoes are flattering on so few people that according to AMDesigns, the are a fashion swing and a miss. I have friends that are down with these, I just won't be asking to borrow them.
I am not proposing that we ladies prance around in stilletos all day, that is a whole other Tuesday not to mention they are horrible for your foot and I am sure they conjure up inappropriate things in the minds of some. I am just saying I will be shoveling through the winter in my boots and I invite all of you ladies to put your best tennis shoed foot forward and do the same.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Lets set the scene with the Cooper is sick again bit. He was eating breakfast and I was trying to feed Parker. Griffin was eating breakfast and singing B-I-N-G-O as loud as possible. Cooper started coughing and he threw up all over himself, the table and the floor. I sat still feeding Parker wondering what my plan of action should be, Cooper looks at me and said, "Hi Mommy." I actually thought of finishing Parkers bottle since he didn't seem too miserable. N-G-O is cracking up saying, "HE'S GONNA BLOW!"
I laid Parker down, told Griffin to go get all of the things on his morning list done if for no either reason than to cease the singing and I began to clean up Cooper. And if he isn't already the cutest, he kept handing me paper towels to try to help. I took his diaper off and set him on the floor and as I turned back to the table, I knocked over the juice on the table. I wondered if I knocked it over twice because I still heard dripping on the floor. Well duh, it wasn't juice, it was Cooper peeing on the floor. I heard a cute little sneeze and turned to see a cute little girl covered in the contents of her bottle that Cooper had poured on her. I started to loose my temper, "AW CRAP!" I say. And my 6 year old conscience said, "Mommy, crap is a bad word."
That wasn't the end of my morning, it was a lot grosser etc but enough for innocent readers. Here is why I tell you all of this... I got to have a good week last week with Sean home on vacation. It was like this section my life hit pause and another section hit play. Sean went back to work this morning and my life resumed. I feel like things are spinning out of control, things seem to be chaotic all the time. I guess this is the deal, I guess this is what I do and because I know that this job is what I am supposed to be doing right now, today I am choosing to revamp my attitude. I am going to try to stop with the complaining, with the bad attitude. I am going to try give these kids and my husband what they need, the love and encouragement and support, not the grumpy, moody, snappy mess they've gotten lately. I am going to try to see the good, the right, the excellent and praiseworthy things and quit be annoying and negative. I want to smile more and laugh more and enjoy things more. I had an entire week with Sean home and instead of feeling refreshed and ready for the week, I am back in aw crap mode.
I am sick of myself and am afraid of what is being seen by and modeled to my kids. I want to breathe life into my marriage, my kids, my friends. That just sounds so much more appealing.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I WILL NEVER do that again. It is no reflection on my son or my love for the sport. I love wrestling, I love talking about it, I love watching it, cheering for it, understanding it, getting so caught up in it. I don't love watching practice and I hate wrestling rooms. I don't ever want to set foot in a wrestling room again. It was so hot, it smelled like hot garbage, and the floor was sticky.
There were 75 kids jammed in that room with a dozen middle aged men, all sweating until it dripped off of them onto each other. The coaches were yelling and blowing whistles and clapping and adjusting. This was all at a practice for 5-11 year olds, I'm sure I'd be aghast to know what goes on in HS, College and (sickness) NFL locker rooms.
There is a reason there are separate Men's locker rooms and Women's locker rooms. Women should not be allowed in male locker rooms. I will forever wonder why there are female sports reporters. I had a glimpse into the male species that I need never see again. I will be the loudest cheering, most supportive mom, except for practice, from now on, practices are Sean's arena.
Monday, November 13, 2006
will never be a style I get on board with. No one looks good in skinny jeans. I think they are the devils way to make girls squeeeeeeeeeeze into pants they have no business wearing. If Jessica Alba and Keira Knightley can't pull it off, I defy you to find someone who can. These are a trend that should be thrown into the fashion abyss.
I have become Kathie Lee in the amount that I talk about my kids. And I don't think I will apologize for that. Those little people are three of the greatest, most amazing little creatures in the world. So when one isn't well, I can barely function. Not only is Cooper still feeling awful, Parker is sniffling and Griffins voice sounds like he has smoked for thirty years.
As per usual when there are sick kids, the mommies get up at the crack of dawn to be the first phone call into the doctors office. I did that this morning and the phone answerer person said, "What's the name?" I tell her. "The birth date?" I tell her. "The reason for being seen?" Again I respond with the appropriate information and not by going into how the eye works and translates images to our brain, and she said, "OK the doctor is on vacation all this week."
"Um, ok, sooo, um, can we...I guess try to see someone else?" I am wondering if the vacation information was new for her as well since she didn't offer it up right away. Then she asked me who I want an appointment with. Well our doctor but I guess he is on vaca. I don't even think I know another doctors name there since we only see our doctor so I rolled the dice to see who we get this morning. It throws me for such a loop when things don't go the way I need them to go.
The first issue I have with all of this is that customer service is dead and gone and there are few who even remember what it was. That is a whole different issue that makes me want to spit nails.
The second is I wonder how often people have needed me, even given me some information and I hang my Gone Fishin' sign and say, "Oh, I'm on vacation." Maybe today I'll try to be more aware of the signs I'm hanging.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Saturday is the big day, Griffins 6th birthday party! I barely know what to say...
I asked Griffin since he is turning 6 what the 6 best things in his life are and heres what he said...
1. When Pegger and Susan took me to Disney World and I got to ride all the rides
2. Cartoons on tv
3. My blue blanket
4. I have the best little sister in the world
5. My mom is the greatest mom ever
6. Cooper is the best brother to wrestle with and I like it when he hugs me
Then he looked at me and said, "Mom, I need a number 7 because I love my daddy."
My Problem: Pity Parties
My Solution: Inviting everyone I know to join in
I am the Queen of throwing pity parties. Today is one of those days. I am in a rut of feeling sorry for myself because of MY situation and MY feelings. Now please don't say get outside of yourself and list ten things you're thankful for. I really do know those things, I think it is a little bit of I want to be on everyone else's list of ten things they're thankful for. I want everyone to know what I go through everyday and how stressed out I am. I want to have people say, "Wow you did that and you endured that, you really should have and S on your chest!" about the things I am fighting so hard not to write right now...ok I wrote them and deleted them, at least they're out there now.
I realize I don't know everything that everyone else does everyday and that I don't consider what everyone else is stressed out about. And I know I don't thank other people or appreciate other people enough. But this isn't about other people, its about me...
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
I have thought through some things in my day, what I want to accomplish, places I want to go, books I want to read, food I want to eat, places I want to watch the sunset from. There is one thing I have not only thought through but pictured in my head, dreamed of, wished for, all but sent out the invitations and I am wondering if my brain is weird.
I have my ideal living situation planned in my head. It isn't the house or even the location, it is the people that I want to be my neighbors. I have decided who I want to live near and who I want to be close to me and my family. I know that I want her and her and them and him and them and her and them her and them him and them and them and them and her and him and them. Oh and the Franciscos because I miss them so much my heart hurts. I have planned who will be visitors and how long each of them will visit for, who will live there short term and who will be my neighbor for the rest of my days. There will be houses for people who I will encounter in a year or ten that need to be in my neighborhood.
It won't be a freakish sort of place, it will be a safe place for all the crazily different people that will live there. It will be a place for each one of us to do the work we need to do in order to be healthy, ask the questions we need to ask and do the searching we need to do. And it could be anywhere, it could be on the beach, in the mountains, in the country, almost anywhere. Even in NYC or Tokyo, although I'd never leave our neighborhood, I haaaaate big cities.
The bottom line is this, it is a fun, healthy, life-giving place. So many of the details don't matter, what matters is the community. The way that we love each other will be what matters. The way that we encourage each other, support each other, live with each other, that's what will matter. Can you even imagine? So is this weird?
I won't give up on living with my life loves but until that day, I will do my darndest to live that way now, to love the neighbors that were here when we moved in.
Oh and there will be a pool.
With a big twisty slide.
And water ping pong.
And a trampoline.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Well, Cooper is sick. Again. He seems to be our child that gets sick a lot but he also seems to be the child that is the happiest. Even when he has a fever and feels rotten, he still really wants to play and laugh and have fun. Then he realizes he feels puny, cries for a minute and then is back to playing. He really seems like he is choosing his attitude even though he feels rotten.
I wish I could do that. I wish I could choose to want to laugh and play when I don't feel like it. I wish I could love even if I don't feel like it. I wish it took me being fevered and lethargic to be harsh, critical and mean. Unfortunately it takes waking up in the morning.
I wish Cooper felt better.
Monday, November 06, 2006
I have had lots of experiences in my life, I had a tough growing up. I say that not to invoke awwws but to say that I have had lots of things, some not so good and some horrific, that have shaped who I am.
I realize that at some point I became very safe in my thinking and decided that everything is black or white. Part of my thinking in that was to protect myself and to keep myself safe throughout healing and being grown up.
All of that to say that as I am healing and growing up, I am realizing that there are many, many gray areas. I continue to hold to lots of black and white thoughts on black and white issues but these are not things that will keep me from loving.
There is one black and white issue that I will not be moved on. That is this, there is ONE Savior, ONE God, ONE Way. For me that means this, my goal is to love people, to encourage people, tell people about the Jesus that has saved me from incredibly destructive patterns in my life. My goal is to know Jesus and to be known by Him.
All the other things will be debated and fought over with or without me chiming in. And in comparison to my black and white it just doesn't seem to be important enough to spend my emotional cash on.
Friday, November 03, 2006
I had an awesome night last night. So many things went right and it was just a great night. Throughout the awesomeness, I realized a few things.
1 - No one looks worse laughing than straight faced. A smile is such an eye pleaser. People look so much better smiling! In addition, laughter doesn't lead to feeling worse. It is the best medicine you know.
2 - Laughter is catchy. I really think laughter, strep and the hiccups (or hiccoughs per one Pegger) are the only true contagious thing. Take a really not funny comedian for example and place laugh tracks around then suddenly a whole theater seems to laugh and not really know why. And no one laughs better than my 1 year old.
3 - Who ever came up with onomatopoetic ha ha? People don't laugh ha ha ha ha ha nor do they say hee hee. It isn't a guffaw or a chuckle or a chortle. Someone messed it up for everyone, way to go Einstein. Laughs are as individualized as the laugher.
So Chuckles bring on the funny.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Lots of emotions have been stirred in me in the last 24 hours...
I was having a conversation with a bff last night and this is what I don't understand. What is the difference between being self-involved/self-absorbed and self-aware? Can you be both at the same time? Where is the line that says, "I know this is about me but I think this can help the convo" and "I have no idea I am always talking about me"? I have a friend that is the worlds best at changing the subject back to her. It is insane annoying and sad and annoying. I wonder if there are people in her life that are people who can say to her this life isn't always about you. I don't think I am that person in her life, I haven't known her long enough and we don't have that relationship yet. Is it that there isn't anything to say so instead of air floating back and forth, people think I put words about me out there to float back and forth? Is it a maturity of life thing? Because I know it isn't age alone that brings self-awareness.
I wonder how much different things would look if we all thought before we spoke. Would we give life to a room or suck the life out? Would we encourage other people or promote ourselves? Would people enjoy being around us or walk away tired and frustrated? I think I lean toward the life breathing, encouragement side.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
This has to be quick, it is another sick day in our house and I smell a dirty diaper somewhere.
I wonder how conversations get misconstrued. What all plays into that? Is it inferring things or implying things or insecurity or defensiveness or just poor communication skills? I'm guessing some of us are better communicators than others. Some of us can really explain why the sky is blue and others of us can barely explain while wearing a blue shirt what blue is. How does the human relationship part fit in? Some of you are better equipped to answer the technical stuff of this so here's your forum.
I feel like several times in the last few days I have heard about or had conversations that I felt went so sideways and now I am not sure what to do with them. Hmmm...