Sick or Treat

Happy Halloween!

What a great day for kids. How can you improve upon dressing up as superheroes, princesses or cowboys and getting candy thrown at you from every direction? I guess you can make it better by feeling good.

Beware: this is kind of gross.

In the middle of the night, I felt what I assumed to be Griffin crawling in bed with us. He felt crazy hot so turned toward him just in time to put my face in his vomit. He continued to throw up for a minute or so and then the song and dance of cleaning him, the beds and getting people back to sleep. I DO NOT do throw up well or happily. In fact there were several points when after Sean found me with my head between my knees because I thought it was my turn next. The rest of the night, I listen for differences in breathing, any coughing or any movement and no one sleeps well. It stinks when our kids are sick.

So now our Dash isn't getting to go to school and it doesn't look like he will be trick or treating. This has turned from a sick I get to miss school day to the worst day of his little life.

Palindromedy

Monday is the first class party for the Murphy children. A Pumpkin Party to be exact where costumes, punch and candy flow freely. I get to go and help kindergarteners decorate sugar cookies to look like spooky spiders. I thought I'd go get a room full of 5 year olds all hopped up on sugar at 9:30 am and leave them with their teacher for the day, I like to help out however I can.

It is hard to believe that I have been a parent for close to 6 years and overwhelming to think that there will be class parties for nearly 2 more decades. Moms with older children tell me EVERY SINGLE DAY that I need to enjoy every moment now because they grow up so fast. I nod and listen and smile and say I will. And I will, I am. But the thought of freer time, flushed toilets, a shower and silence are so appealing.

From the moment our oldest child came onto the scene, I vowed to enjoy the every moment, to not look forward or back and wish for another time. For so long I did so well, I think I need to renew that vow. It is hard to not long for what another persons life seems like when I am wrapped up in my own.

Next time I feel taken for granted, unappreciated, and tired, I will look into the precious faces I see and be so thankful that I am in a position to watch those faces change everyday. I will stop apologizing that my house is a mess, my hair isn't brushed, my kids still have their jammies on at 3 pm and are eating pb & j for the third day in a row. People will be made to feel welcome mopped floor or not. Then I will call another sweatpants clad, disheveled, unshowered mommy and we will comfort each other between spilled juice, dirty diapers and untied shoes saying, "You are a great mommy doing a great job raising great kids and you're cute too."

A Great Day

Congratulations Elizabeth Brashear, Attorney!!!!!

Zzzzzzzz

Oh I'm so sleepy. I wish there was a magic pill I could take...scratch that, there is speed. I wish there was a button I could push to make me feel like I had slept the perfect number of hours for me. Cooper, Parker and I ran some errands this morning and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and I wanted to crawl into the little mini cardboard bed displays. Both kids fell asleep on the way home and I wanted to crank to radio and roll down the windows so they'd have to be awake since I had to be awake. I wouldn't be picky where I slept, just that I felt rested and awake and full of energy.

Sean and I went to Florida for a YL conference and stayed in this really nice hotel. These beds had featherbeds on them, down comforters, one jillion thread count sheets, and enough pillows that we could have gotten lost underneath them. Our schedule was pretty packed so at night I would fall into bed and go to sleep hoping that morning would come three days later. But there was too much to do, sunshine I wanted to see and the alarm clocks wouldn't let that happen.

I wonder how much I miss in my life because I am too tired, too preoccupied, too busy trying to recreate the Florida bed, too annoyed because I am tired, too busy complaining about being tired.

PSU 185

I didn't think I get a shower today let alone get time to sit at my computer but I just have to get this out.

I have had several great parenting moments and today was one. Two of the list toppers are that my kids love Chipotle and Graeters and that Griffin wants to wrestle. Today we are one step closer to junior high state champ, four time high school state champ, a full ride scholarship, OSU, PSU, IOWA, Iowa State, Oklahoma, any of those will do, and a four time NCAA champ. I don't think people realized how close Cooper was to being named Cael. Today, Sean signed Griffin up for the Lakota Kids Club wrestling program.

I think I may be the problem parent when it comes to sports. I have a psychotic competitive side that flares up every once in a while that you can see if you come to Peggys for a ping pong game. I want so badly to win, I want to be the best and known as the best. I don't want to do something if it isn't going to be great. I remember saying to Sean, "What is going to happen if our sons don't want to wrestle?" And he, the former wrestler, said, "I guess that wouldn't be all bad." I about frickin passed out. How could he say that? How could he abandon the sport I love! And then I realized that he may be the parent that cheers on their 103 pounder that could lose to a girl the same as the senior that can stare a guy onto his back.

I want to be a parent that loves my kids the same whether it is wrestling or chess. I want to love my kids whether they have all the accolades or get a participation certificate. I want to learn to support them whether it is what I want or what they want. I guess it comes down to loving in spite of their choices not because of their choices.

I think I know a parent that loves like that.

"You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, 'Papa! Father!' Doesn't that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? And if you are a child, you're also an heir, with complete access to the inheritance. "

Say cheese

I have to tell on myself before I start this... I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. He had some whack jobs on talking about their in-laws and how absolutely horrible their relationships are. One mother-in-law is on the lam accused of trying run her son-in-law down with her SUV. Another mother-in-law said things to her daughter-in-law in front of her grandchildren that I don't think I'd even think about the wall nevermind a person. All that dysfunction led me to this.

I am coming off a great weekend. My in-laws came to town to surprise Griffin for his last football game, this after they had come the week before as well. It was all planned out that they would go home and leave our nephew, Connor with us for the weekend. I had waited to tell Griffin until Thursday because I would have been driven nuts by the, "Mommy how long til Connor gets here?" "16 hours Griffin." "How long now mommy?" "15 hours and 58 minutes Griffin." And that would have continued until the minute Connor got out of the car. Then Thursday afternoon, Griffins coach (the one Peggy asked if he had a girlfriend) called to say that the game had been cancelled because it was rainy and so cold (meaning the tailgate got cancelled and there are dozens of hotdogs jammed in our freezer but it is rescheduled for next Thursday.) All that runs through my head is the ensuing meltdown because I already told Griffin.

OK all of this to say I have the greatest in-laws of anyone. I have been saying for years and years that I am so lucky to have married into this family. And although I am oft reminded that I am not a blood Murphy, I still love them. It meant so much to Griffin and me as the mommy that they still came even though the reason they were coming was cancelled.

The weekend was packed with games, laughing and lots of food. But Saturday night was a night of division and I loved it. The boys stayed at 8868 and the girls stayed at 7430. It was Parkers first girls night and she loved it. It was a perfect night.

After dinner, I sat around the table with my aunts and they told story after story and we looked at family pictures, some just taken and some 100 years old. Apparently my aunt Susan has a bum leg that led to her first job. It was so fascinating to me, some many stories and so much Irishness. Some pictures I had seen before and others I was enamored with. I felt a whole new connection to the family I now call mine after seeing some of these. Seeing pictures of the lives I have heard stories about for so long made the pictures look different. My father-in-laws mother has a story unlike many others. She was a marine that bounced quarters off the sheets to see how well her grandsons made their beds. She was an only child and her mother passed away when she was young from an accident and her father took his own life. The eyes in the generations old pictures looked more quiet, more sad and so unlike the family I know. As the pictures moved through the years, the eyes began to smile and you can almost year the laughter in the pictures. I saw pictures of an absolutely gorgeous blond 20 something and immediately recognized the face as my mother-in-law. A mother-in-law who I will never question the way she feels about me, I know that I know that she loves me. I saw pictures of a sassy little baby that could be no other than Seans nutty aunt. I saw pictures of the most handsome and generous grandpa second only to my grandpa Curfman. Pictures of the greatest nephew and cousin to my kids. There were pics of my sister-in-law who I love to get mani/pedis with, go to fancy restaurants and talk about our Murphy men.

I realized that my oldest son and my brother-in-laws baby pictures will need to be labeled because I don't know if there are two babies that look more alike. Until I saw a picture of my father in law when he was about a year old. I stared and was almost speechless, it was like looking at my 1 year old today. It is hard to not get sad when I think about my father-in-law. He had some crazy cancer that took him when he was just 50. There are so many things I'd like to ask him, so many things I'd think, "So thats where Sean gets it." Some many times when I want my children to know this man and hear him sing the Unicorn Song.

The couple things I learned...

Number 1 - I realized I don't think there can ever be too many pictures. I need to take more and capture more memories for my kids, their kids and their kids.

Number 2 - I am not jaded enough to think that these people aren't flawed. But even so, these people have loved me and cared about me and been on my side as much as the Curfmans have. And even if my reasoning is backwards, through my kids I am a blood Murphy now, and I couldn't be happier.

Etiquette

I want to say a gigantic Thank You to Justin Timberlake. He is bringing sexy back you know. And it is high time someone did. I was starting to wonder where in the world had it gone and if anyone would step, make this their cause and fight for the sexy! I go to the mall, watch TV, listen to the radio and I just shake my fists to the heavens and say, "Where is all the sexy? There has to be more than this!" So when you read this Justin and feel unappreciated, undervalued or underpaid, from all of us raising kids, Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, a million times thank you, you have made our job so much easier.

Richie Rich

Well I'm frustrated. Yesterday the mail came which in our house is this exciting, "who is going to go get it?!?" I won, I'm pretty good at beating 5 year olds downt he driveway and Cooper is just slow. In the mailbox were two letters from our bank, one for Sean and one for me. In the envelope it felt like there was a credit card. I open it and there is a new debit. Before yesterday, we had the coolest debit cards that were OSU football ones. There were really cool and people would comment more than they woudn't about yay OSU. Today we have dumb ones. It looks like somebody slapped the picture of the top of some guys helmet and a logo on there and missed centering it but thought thats ok no one will notice. Well I noticed.

I am going to protest and stop using that debit card! I will not spend money using it! I will fight the Huntington Bank powers and not let them take my old debit card and give me crap instead and just sit there and take it. The fact that the debit card came in the mail but couldn't be used until it was activated is a whole other issue. Maybe the sticker on it that says activate by calling this number was only readable by me, like if someone stole that envelope or it got lost in the mail their eyes couldn't read the type because they aren't Annie.

Ok all this to say I wish it were that easy to stop spending money! And I wish the things that are good, healthy, life giving things weren't so expensive. For instance, say there is this conference in California that I know with out a doubt will change me. And say it happens to be $224 for a plane ticket and $70 for the ticket to the conference and $100 a night for a hotel? And say the food isn't included in the cost of the ticket so I guess I'd have to eat.

Grrrr. I'm annoyed. I want desperately to go to this conference. Or at least if there was this conference, say I'd like to go. It is hard to feel like I can't go because of the money. And then the pity party starts and all of the perfection of that long weekend away seems that much more perfect since I won't be there. Then it becomes hard to think, "I hate money." Which I do I actually like it and see the purpose for it.

OK so how can I make that San Francisco weekend in March happen this weekend in Cincinnati in October? How can I make it so the grass isn't always greener? How can I not live in what if' fantasy land?

And here is the part where I come up with my magical solution. I have no idea...

The rest is history

It was like I was 14 getting ready for my first date to Homecoming at WHS. I was nervous and had butterflies and felt so giddy. I wondered if he'd think I was pretty and if he'd like what I was wearing. I wondered if I'd like the food at the restaurant. I wondered if he'd kiss me at the end of the date.

This isn't me penning the first chapter to some saucy novel, this was my night tonight. I got to go on a date with THE most handsome guy on the planet. I got to go on a date with the smartest, nicest, kindest, most caring, most creative, funniest man I've ever met. It just so happens that I am married to him as well. I was completely swept off my feet, again. It was like it was 1989 and I had just met Sean Michael Murphy for the first time.

(FYI the picture is supposed to artistically go here and invoke awwwws but I am still learning and couldn't be more frustrated.)

All the stars must have aligned because my husband and I actually got to have an evening to ourselves. Anyone who has kids can surely relate to thinking, "Maybe we can grab a bite, be alone and sit in a quiet house in ... 2022". But it actually happened tonight.

(BTDub, Palomino is awesome. It is "European bistro with a Mediterranean flair". It was yummy and Seans steak was so good and we got a free dessert since it was our first time there.)

As we ate, we talked and talked and talked with no interruptions except to be asked if our meals looked ok or did we want more bread. No crayons being chucked at my head, no elbows in my rib cage, no screaming for more grapes. And without sounding like the second chapter of the saucy novel, it was like there wasn't another person there. I literally looked around the restaurant at one point and realized it was completely full and there were folks waiting for tables. We also had a little relationship check up. We both came with lists of 3 things that are good in our marriage and three things we feel like need work. There was honesty and realness and connection like I haven't felt in months and months.

As we sat at our table with our diet cokes and honest words, I actually cried. Anyone who knows me is rereading that and realizing that really does say I cried. It wasn't all out ugly bawling but there were tears. I think they came from things I have been learning and feeling lately and some of those things are still really raw and close to the surface. And the best thing is that my man didn't look uncomfortable or look away or want to run, he sat there with me until they passed and then we dug into our creme brulee that we learned we don't like.

And now the third chapter, as we sat there, minute after minute, I was falling head over heels in love with the man across from me again. There was nothing that mattered except him.

The greatest part of the whole night is that I got to come home to the home we share, the aunts we love and the kids created out of our love and I got to crawl into bed and hold his hand until we fell asleep (but then I had to pee).

Oh how I love thee

I wonder how I could ever put into words the way I feel about one Jana Orwig. She is so ... aweSOOOOOOME! Thanks Sarah!

Home Alone

I was talking to a my friend Lizzie last night and here is what I think we came up with. It is amazing to me that we can be surrounded by people we love and who love us, in big groups or small, in a house full of people and still feel unfulfilled and lonely.

Is it just me that feels like that? It can't be. I know it just can't be.

Why is it that in certain circles, it seems like there are things that aren't supposed to be talked about? There are things that seem like you just don't bring up. I know I have some friends that there are certain topics that we just don't talk about to just keep the peace, to save our own face, to not rock the boat, to keep up with the Joneses. But recently in my life, there are things that I feel like need talking about and I am trying to figure out the right people to talk to about those things. I am desperate for a woman who is a little further along in life stage than I am. Someone who I can drill with questions and feel safe when I do ask things about how to do this life.

I have great friends of all ages who I can talk with about close to anything. I am wondering if the loneliness and waves of sadness I feel can sometimes be self imposed. I feel at times that there are things that "shouldn't" be talked about. I wonder if it is because of me being held captive by "woulds" and "shouldn'ts" and "can'ts" and "should bes" that I feel lonely. If I would step out and risk upsetting the status quo then maybe I can punch loneliness in the face. If we could start being real and talking about things that matter, maybe loneliness would be the only thing being left alone. If I would risk looking foolish and set my mountain of pride aside, then real, life changing conversations would start and sadness would dry up and loneliness would be lonely.
I am one of the lucky ones who has discovered that I am never really alone.

There is company, love and comfort if only I reach out to it.

"I won't give up on you; I won't leave you." (Joshua Chapter 1 Verse 5)

One of you

Here is the obligatory, "here is my first post" post. I held out as long as I could and now I am trying this out. I am hoping that this will be a help for me to process and think through some of the things that seem to be pressing in on me. So here we go...