Things seem to be winding down at my house. Today we started taking the Christmas decorations down including the tree. I had a twinge of sadness but for the most part, I don't love Christmastime. So there is something comforting to me as things begin to return to whatever normal is.
There is security in normalcy for me. I love knowing what most days have in store. I love waking up hearing Sean getting ready for work. I love peeking in on my kids before the day starts...
I started this thinking I was going to go talk about our new bedding. It is the best. Man, its awesome. We got a down comforter, a new coverlet, sheets and pillows and this bedding will rival any ensemble you throw at me. As I have said before, I am always on a quest for the perfect bed as Sean is always on a quest for mac and cheese like Ted Jackson made. OK anyways, I just wanted to tell you this is the best, most comfortable, most secure bed. But as I started, I realized I have control issues, and have said I a lot. I also know I have been so annoying lately and can't seem to figure out why. I have slipped into pieces of my old self, a person who is incredibly insecure, can't decide a thing, and who is always worried about what/thinks everyone is thinking about her. Does knowing this make it any better?
I want things the way I want them when I want them. I need to know things will return to what I knew of them when all the chaos is over. I think I need to ease up on the expectations I have. I put expectations on my friends, my family, my kids, myself and when they aren't met, I get thrown into a tailspin. Which is part of why I think holidays are not so great for me. I have such huge ideas of what I want it to be like and it rarely is. In fact, when it is over, I sigh and think, "Hmmm, this is it, this is what it was all about."
I am going to go crawl into the best bed in the tri-state with the best husband in the tri-state and think through this some more because I'm not even sure how to end this...
10 comments:
I'm not sure if I've made this comment in the blog world yet, but I'm going to take a risk (of being abused by the women who read this blog) and throw it out there.
A married friend once told me that he believes women are unhappy at their core. That they experience "the fall" more deeply than men do, and that women walk around never feeling satisfied. And this causes a huge problem for men, because men live to make a woman happy. And if we don't, we feel like a failure, and just want to give up.
So it creates this unhealthy cycle. Women are unhappy, men try to make them happy, nothing ever works because nothing could ever work, so men feel like failures and pull away, thus making the woman feel even more insecure, thus causing the man to pull away more, etcetera.
I'm not saying I completely agree with that, but I'm just throwing it out there. I don't know many women who seem happy or satisfied. Men seem to have state unhappiness (meaning from time to time and for specific reasons); women seem to have trait unhappiness (meaning all the time and for no particular reason). Thoughts?
THIS subject is definitely to be discussed at length over Frisches Big Gal Cherry Pie...
Relax..life ain't that hard.
Let it F L O W, girl!
I think my first response is that aren't we all unhappy at our core? Isn't that why we try people, substances and religion to try to fix that?
But I also think women may be more emotional/moody and that may cause us to seem more unhappy or unsatisfied outwardly and men tend to be so more inwardly.
my best friend's husband told me that he is never happy for more than 10 minutes. He'll have spurts of happiness, but they never last longer than ten minutes. I would peg him as one of the greatest guys I know and he isn't the "moping" "debbie-downer" type AT ALL. So what's that?
I just listened to this sermon this morning that made so much sense to me (annie it has to do with my new focus thing, I'll tell you about it) but it's main point was about how we all search for this one "thing" that will satisfy us. BUT we never find it this side of heaven (I know we've all heard this/talked about it/felt it).
I feel like women might seem more unhappy because we are A LOT more vocal about any of that, so Im not sure that the fall impacted us more, I think we just know about women's unhappiness more.
I feel like I just said a lot to say exactly what Annie just said, so sorry about that.
Pegger and Annie - pie and further discussion on the matter tomorrow night? I need to process through Fuller's comment a bit more
ps are you SERIOUSLY saying that your bed is better than mine?
seriously? Im not even sure if that's up for discussion
but welcome to this side of paradise - congrats on your new bed all the same :)
Big Gal???
"...because men live to make a woman happy."
Really? I don't know that I've ever had a boyfriend who lived for my happiness...at least not for very long! But maybe my perpetual state of unhappiness just pushed all those boyfriends away (sometimes into the arms of other women who probably just pushed them away again)? :) An interesting perspective nonetheless, but I couldn't resist poking fun at that line.
Men desire to make a woman happy more than any woman will ever know. But our deep fear to be seen as a failure causes many men to pull away and "give up." Especially when it seems like it's a lost cause.
And I'm not saying men are always happy and women are always unhappy - reread my comment about state and trait happiness.
And to answer your specific question - No, I am not unhappy at my core. Quite the contrary. Sinful at my core? Yes. Unhappy at times? Yes. Unhappy at my core? No.
Fuller I think your last comment is the same for women...not unhappy at the core, sinful yes, but pretty happy. I guess its not fair for me to make a blanket statement for all women (so sorry girls) but the ones I know aren't unhappy at the core.
Im kinda sad at the fact that we or even just me may come off as that.
And I want to hear more about men desiring to make women happy - can you expand? thanks.
I guess that's the point my friend was making - that women are, indeed, unhappy at their core. Again, feel free to disagree. I'm not saying I agree with that statement, just throwing it out there for discussion. Because, honestly, often it seems true.
And not sure how to expand on that point - as a man, I believe it is hard-wired in us to pursue women, and then to care, love, and provide for her. That's why when we get messed up, we end up pursuing lots of women - that's our heart's desire gone wrong. Imagine all the distorted energy and time men spend trying to get laid all focused in a positive way on one woman - I believe that's how it was meant to be.
Eldredge pointed this out a long time ago, but look what happens in the garden - Adam blows it right away, and men have felt the sting of that failure ever since. You don't think Adam wanted to step in and save the day? Now his weakness is our weakness. And then what's he do? He blames the woman! Sound familiar?
Woman's unsatisfied heart was deceived, so she ate from the forbidden tree (I mean, Eve had paradide, but still wanted to eat from the forbidden tree!), and as this is happening, man does nothing (he is weak when his wife needs his strength). Those original sins have now become our lingering sins.
Wait, I thought I wasn't blogging this week. :)
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