Munch

I wondered this morning as I realized it had been a few days since I had even done my blog rounds what it is that keeps me so busy in my mind. It was cleared up a little as my morning progressed.

Lets set the scene with the Cooper is sick again bit. He was eating breakfast and I was trying to feed Parker. Griffin was eating breakfast and singing B-I-N-G-O as loud as possible. Cooper started coughing and he threw up all over himself, the table and the floor. I sat still feeding Parker wondering what my plan of action should be, Cooper looks at me and said, "Hi Mommy." I actually thought of finishing Parkers bottle since he didn't seem too miserable. N-G-O is cracking up saying, "HE'S GONNA BLOW!"

I laid Parker down, told Griffin to go get all of the things on his morning list done if for no either reason than to cease the singing and I began to clean up Cooper. And if he isn't already the cutest, he kept handing me paper towels to try to help. I took his diaper off and set him on the floor and as I turned back to the table, I knocked over the juice on the table. I wondered if I knocked it over twice because I still heard dripping on the floor. Well duh, it wasn't juice, it was Cooper peeing on the floor. I heard a cute little sneeze and turned to see a cute little girl covered in the contents of her bottle that Cooper had poured on her. I started to loose my temper, "AW CRAP!" I say. And my 6 year old conscience said, "Mommy, crap is a bad word."

That wasn't the end of my morning, it was a lot grosser etc but enough for innocent readers. Here is why I tell you all of this... I got to have a good week last week with Sean home on vacation. It was like this section my life hit pause and another section hit play. Sean went back to work this morning and my life resumed. I feel like things are spinning out of control, things seem to be chaotic all the time. I guess this is the deal, I guess this is what I do and because I know that this job is what I am supposed to be doing right now, today I am choosing to revamp my attitude. I am going to try to stop with the complaining, with the bad attitude. I am going to try give these kids and my husband what they need, the love and encouragement and support, not the grumpy, moody, snappy mess they've gotten lately. I am going to try to see the good, the right, the excellent and praiseworthy things and quit be annoying and negative. I want to smile more and laugh more and enjoy things more. I had an entire week with Sean home and instead of feeling refreshed and ready for the week, I am back in aw crap mode.

I am sick of myself and am afraid of what is being seen by and modeled to my kids. I want to breathe life into my marriage, my kids, my friends. That just sounds so much more appealing.